I just found out from a fellow blogger that October 15 is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day." Michelle over at "She Looketh Well" encouraged women to share their stories of loss in hopes that they will encourage other women who may be going through such a difficult time right now. So, I thought I would share the story of my first child.
Big Daddy and I were married in October 2003. We were so excited to start our journey together and anxious to start out family. As we were entering into our first Christmas together, I found out I was expecting. We were thrilled! We decided we would keep it secret for at least a few weeks. It was fun to have a secret just between the two of us!
On December 26th, we were planning to make a 7 hour road trip to visit Big Daddy's family. That morning, I started having what I would later find out were contractions. At the time, however, I knew absolutely nothing about pregnancy and even less about miscarriage. Maybe it was actually best that I didn't know that in the two hours before we were to leave for our trip, I was losing our baby. The pain I was experiencing eventually went away and we left town. While we were aware that what I was going through would have to be discussed with our doctor, we were completely unaware of how serious the problem was. We could think of little more than how our lives were going to change over the next year. We had many moments throughout our trip in which we talked about how different our next Christmas would be. We were just so excited!
When we came home a few days later and called my Dr, she wanted to see me immediately. The Dr. came into the room, walked right over to shake my hand, and didn't let go. She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, but you've had a miscarriage." My heart just broke. I didn't know what to say, what to do, or who to talk to. What I think made it worse is that in that moment, I felt so alone. Who could possibly understand what it's like to lose a baby?
After crying over our loss with my husband, I called my mom. We cried too over the loss. The only advice she could give me was to call the only two women I knew at the time who had lost a baby. That's why I wanted to share my story too. It was encouraging to me to know that someone actually understood just what I felt. I wasn't alone.
I will pass along the most encouraging words I heard then in hopes that they will help any other woman who has had a miscarriage. My sister-in-law told me, "If we truly believe that life begins at conception (Jeremiah 1:5), then we know that it was a baby and he/she will be waiting for you in heaven." While I have 3 children here on Earth, I will have 4 when I get to Heaven! One of my babies just went straight into the arms of Jesus! Praise the Lord that day wasn't the end...I will one day hold that baby!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.